Thanks to:
www.e-celticfc.com &
www.celticfootballclub.info
The 7 dwarfs are down
in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the
entrance and yells down to them. In the dark distance a voice
screams out "Rangers are good enough to win the European Cup."
Snow White says "Thank God - at least Dopey's still alive!"
Three men are each
given a wish by a Genie. An Irish Farmer,A Protestant and Artur
Boruc.
The Irishman wished for all the land in Ireland to be forever
fertile,in a flash the wish is granted. The Protestant was amazed. I
want a city full of 10 million Protestants and around that city I
want a wall built so that no Roman Catholics can enter our precious
land.
In a flash a city of 10 million Protestants appears surrounded by an
enormous wall. The Holy Goalie says to the Genie tell me more about
this wall.
The Genie tells him it's 500ft high and 500ft thick, nothing gets in
and nothing gets out. Boruc lights up a Hamlet and
smiles........Fill it with f*ckin water!!!!!!
Q. What's the
difference between Barry Ferguson and a constipated owl?
A. One shoots but can't hit, the other hoots but can't shit!
Rangers are following Celtic into the Chinese
market..........they are signing a player named WIN WAN SOON
Q. Who were the 4
brothers, 3 of whom played for one half of the Old Firm & the other
one managed the other half?
A. PAUL MCSTAY, WILLIE
MCSTAY, RAYMOND MCSTAY,
BIG ECK MUST STAY
Q: What do you say to
a Rangers supporter with a good looking Woman on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo
Q. What does a Rangers
fan do when his team has beaten Barcelona?
A. Turn off his Playstation.
Q: What's the difference
between a busload of Rangers fans and a Hedgehog?
A: On a hedgehog, the pricks are on the outside.
David Murray phoned
up Fernando Rickson and asked him to go for a pint, great says
Rickson
i am just out walking the dog I will meet you there. So they are
standing at the bar having a beer when this guy walks in goes over
to the two of them and lifts reckons dog up by the tail, looks at it
then drops it shakes his head and walks out. David turns to Fernando
and says what was that all about? 5 mins later another guy walks
into the bar, again picks up the dog by the tail looks, then drops
the dog and walks out. Now
Rickson is getting angry and
said ”f this happens again I will thump anybody who tries that
again”. Sure enough 5 min later in comes another guy walks over to
Ricksons dog, lifts it up by the tail looks ,then puts the dog
down.Rickson then says “hey what do you think you are doing?” the
guy replies ”there is a guy outside who says there is a dog in the
pub with two arseholes”
Q: What do Haemhorroids
and Gers Fans have in common?
A: They're both a complete pain in the arse and never seem to go
away completely
The Rangers team, having
won something worth celebrating, are enjoying a lavish dinner at a
fairly posh city restaurant. Having polished off an aperitif or
four, they are now being asked by the waiters what they would like
for starters. One player orders melon balls and is busy thinking up
a suitable witticism that this would lend itself to when the waiter
enquires if he would like ginger with the melon.
'Naw, ye're all right, pal,' he lets the waiter know, The boss has
just ordered a boatle of wine.'
Gazza : Wahey Boss! ken
that jiggisaw puzzle I wiz doing? Yeel never guess - I've finished
it and only took me 6 months!
Walter Smith : Well, what's so good about 6 months???
Gazza : Like it says Gaffer - on the box it said '3 to 6 years'
Alex Mcleish was caught
for speeding on his way to Murray Park today. "I'll do anything
for 3 points", he said when questioned
Q: How many Rangers fans
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't matter, cos they're all condemned to eternal darkness
anyway.
Alex McLeish was going
to the Gers halloween party as a pumpkin.
Come midnight he still hadn't turned into a coach.
Barry 'the Bazman'
Ferguson walks into a bar with a pile of dog crap in his hand and
says to the bartender...'Look what I nearly trod in!!'
An Aberdeen fan is
trapped on a remote desert island with a sheep and a dog. Soon, the
sheep starts looking really attractive to the Aberdeen fan. However,
whenever he approaches a sheep the dog growls in a threatening
manner.
The Aberdeen fan takes
the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a
distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling
at him. The Aberdeen fan ties the dog to a tree with a large leash.
He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a
gnawed off leash around its neck.
By now, Aberdeen fan is
getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree
staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit
emerges from the surf.
She asks him who he is
and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she
could do for him. The Aberdeen fan thinks for a moment and then
responds, "Could you take the dog for a walk?
It is said that when
Rangers were combing Europe for a new manager they made an approach
to the manager of Iceland. When he turned them down they then asked
the manager of Farmfoods.
Q: How is a pint of milk
different then a hun?
A: If you leave the milk out for a week it develops a culture!
Q: What's the difference
between a Hun and a sperm?
A: At least a sperm has one chance in 5 million of becoming a human
being.
Q: What's the difference
between Rangers and a three pin plug?
A: Their both absolutely useless in Europe.
There's a rumour going
about that if you buy a season ticket at Ibrox then you get a free
space suit. Apparently it's due to the lack of atmosphere...
Q: What do Beckham and
Rangers FC both have in common?
A: Both got F***ked by Victoria
Q: Why did the Gers fan
NEVER cross the road?
A: He was waiting for the Green Man to turn Orange.
A fella is going through
the park one day when he sees a child being attacked by a large
Rottweiler. Fearing not for his safety, he leaps on the manky beast
and after a struggle manages to break it's neck and kill it.
Now this violent
scenario was witnessed by a reporter for the Daily Record, who
approaches the man to offer his congratulations. He asks if he can
run the story of great bravery in the paper next day. Our hero
agrees to this.
The reporter then asks
if the man is a Celtic supporter. When told no, he says "that's
a pity - I would have used the headline 'Tim Saves Tot'...
The reporter then asks
if the fella is by any chance a Falkirk supporter. Again,
unfortunately the answer is no ..."you see I could have used
Bairn Saves Bairn"...
When asked which team he
actually does support the rescuer replies "I'm a Rangers
Follower".....
"Ah, I see. Well
sir, tonight I'll see what I can do with that", comes the
reply.
The following morning,
the headline on page 2 of the Daily Record reads:-
"ORANGE B******D
SAVAGES FAMILY PET"
